Bait

When I was in college I really wanted to study abroad. I was obsessed with different countries and cultures and was convinced I was born to travel the world— just to appreciate it. The places and the people. (I still think that’s the truth… I know for a fact I’d be really great at the job (have been so far I think)! But that’s beside the point for now…)

Being a student athlete doesn’t really leave you much time to study abroad, though. Your commitments are taken up with your training and your sport (which is the biggest blessing for the time that you GET to be so obsessively immersed). But also the good thing about college is that it’s pretty darn rare if you actually graduate in 4 years ;). So you guessed it…. this girl got an extra semester to spare! Guess where my focus was? 
Abroad, baby.

I could try to re-tell this story in my voice, now… but I’d rather share from Kayla’s heart and mouth from that moment back then- that cool? Picture her: Junior year, dreamin’ big, following all the spiritual signs like it’s her job (it is ;)), doin’ the deep intentional reflective work, and beyond-ready at any moment to seize any open door to travel (for big reasons, I promise <3)…

{December 15, 2013}

“Last night, I laid in bed looking up motivational YouTube videos. I watched one on athletes, which was cool… and then I found one by Will Smith- that I LOVED. Everything he said- I knew what he meant… we completely understood each other, valued the same things, and had the same view on life and happiness and how to succeed in both.

One thing in particular that he said hit me- it was perfect… almost as if this is what I have been thinking and striving for everyday but, I didn’t know how to say it- and he said it so simply…
“I want the world to be better because I was here… I want my life, I want my work- I want it to mean something. It's like, if you’re not making someone else’s life better… then you’re wasting your time.”

I wrote it down in the notes of my phone, closed my computer because that was the icing on my cake for the day- and went to sleep.

Today I woke up and went about my business just as I did everyday- 5:30a.m. alarm, workouts & school. After class, I wandered campus just to enjoy the beautiful weather, the hundreds of people roaming the courtyard and the music that was playing- and I came across a flyer for “ISV”- International Student Volunteers. It was the flyer I had posted up in my room a year ago, next to the piece of paper that I’d listed the recipe to creating my happiness—> “Being a part of something bigger than myself.” So I recognized it and without hesitation, attended the meeting they were minutes away from having.

…About an hour later, I had booked a flight to the Dominican Republic in my mind and had committed my summer to build communities, love underprivileged kids and explore the country.
It. Was. Amazing.

Have you ever been somewhere and thought- “this is where I am supposed to be… this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.” ? I think I had the chills for 60 minutes straight. THIS is exactly where I was supposed to be.
Why?

-I love culture. I want to be submerged in it. I want to speak the language, I want to dance their dance, become one with that very moment as if it’s natural to me, wherever I am.
Week 1- Spanish language in the AM, salsa and mamba lessons by night.

-I want to be a part of something that is way bigger than myself. I want to love and be loved. Inspire and be inspired.
Week 2 & 3- volunteer in the community conservation and Baseball project. Build homes for families, play with kids, teach them health, art, English and baseball, make relationships, have the opportunity to show someone that they are loved.

-I love diversity. I love meeting new people, I am thoroughly intrigued by each and every person’s story- no one the same. I love exploring new places. I love witnessing Mother Nature at her finest as well as the artistic diversity and beauty of what people can make. I want to explore. I want to see it all, just to simply appreciate it. 
Week 4 & 5- adventure tour. “Do more in two weeks than most people would dream about doing in a lifetime.” White water rafting, canyoning and cave exploration, horseback riding and windsurfing, exploring towns, interacting with locals and their everyday lives.

I had never been so sure of that very notion in my life- “This is exactly where I am supposed to be.” When I got home I freaked out; called my parents to tell them everything, planned exactly how I was going to make this happen, got my phone out to write down a note in the midst of my excitement… and there it was... popped up right in my face when I wasn’t even looking for it:

“I want the world to be better because I was here… I want my life, I want my work- I want it to mean something. It’s like, if you’re not making someone else’s life better… then you’re wasting your time.”

Long story short, I didn’t end up going. But that doesn’t mean my heart changed. Everything I wrote was still true and is still true…
It just meant God had a different plan.

I tried to study abroad in Costa Rica in my last semester of 2014 but that didn’t end up happening either. So against my will, I moved home. I went home for a few years after college and tried everything I could to just make the trip happen on my own. A “just for fun” trip— a travel just to travel trip. I felt called there… I wanted to go there… and I tried everything to make it happen. With zero success. 

So there I was. Just home. And not happy about it.

I had no intention to stay or invest time beyond being with my family. And I did a really good job at resisting everything about being home.... in the very same season that God took everything.
My school & friends, my sport, relationship, & even my car [to name just a few].
I had an “anywhere but here” mentality and I literally had no way to get anywhere.. so I don’t know where I was going?

I can go on... but the main point is that right smack dab in the middle of having “nothing I wanted”… God showed me everything I needed.

When I finally decided to surrender and open my eyes & ears & heart to what was in front of me- he showed me his people. I met the heart & soul of a new friend over 5 AM shifts behind the front desk counter of the local gym that we worked at. A heart & soul that for the first time, mirrored mine back to me.

Guess how we first connected?

She told me about the service trip abroad she just went on to Costa Rica.

When the next summer rolled around and she excitedly came to find me to tell me she was going back— I smiled for her and at her and said “Wow, I’m so excited for you! And guess what?! I’m going with you.”

You know what’s funny? This time it was easy. Donations poured in from friends and family who wanted to support this love-work, and I’m sure, my own development, passion, and heart-change. There wasn’t a single thing I had to force about it. Not a logistic or a dime. 

This time I gained a friend group that was aligned with my heart. I felt overflowing love from my community in all corners of the country with their support and willingness to team-up for the cause. Every aspect of the trip was rooted in devotion and depth (and if you know me….. you know <3). I lived with locals. Took salsa classes- and the instructor is now my Costa Rican-local friend to this day. I tutored & loved on kids in an underprivileged & served area (my heart). My best friend even met me after it was done and we traveled for 10 more days— so I got to see, adventure through, and appreciate :)), all corners of the country. And then I started using my gifts to write and share messages like this to teach to and love on whoever in my life wanted or needed them…. and the fire for this purpose hasn’t stopped burning since. 

My point of telling you all of this is because I’ve realized something really important about God:
And that’s that he wants you to have everything that’s on your heart— and then some— but only if he gets to go with you. Only if he gets to be your reason. And only if he gets the glory.

The biggest difference about this trip compared to all the potential past ones? 
Him. 
Baked in to every detail.
His time- his people- his mission.

The best part is that I got more than a trip. More than new friends and a cultural experience…
my entire life changed forever.

Glory.

—

I have to admit, sometimes I feel deceived by him. Not in like a malicious way… but definitely like, he knows what he’s doing when he does this. Like he’s sneaky. Like he invites me “here” or sends me “there” for what seems like one thing, or one person— but really, it ends up being for another. 

That’s what he did with sport my whole life, and everything that I loved after that. He knew I’d hear him there cause I loved being there. He knew I’d be open to his leadership there, because it was the language I spoke.
But the truth is, God never really wanted me in sport or Costa Rica. He just wanted me with him. 

Sometimes I feel deceived by him. It makes me mad. I’m not mad AT him- because he always reveals a gift in me or fulfills a desire of mine in a far deeper & greater way than I ever knew possible- or that I even needed- when he does this….. but I still wonder why he can’t just tell me where we’re going from the beginning?

Cause It’s frustrating.. you know? The journey. It’s not easy. There’s a lot of trial and error that goes along with following him to where he leads. To becoming who he made you to be. To receiving him. And if I had it my way, he’d tell me from the beginning and we’d head straight there. I’d have no blind spots that I’d need to wake up to first and we wouldn’t have to play this middle-ground game. This game of chase.

Sometimes I feel a little deceived because after a while, it’s clear that he uses bait. 
And when you least expect it— there you are. Chasing it.

He’s the fisherman— you’re the fish. And he knows just what to put on the hook to draw you in…. and hook you.

Rude. Sneaky. Love.

29 years in and I’m on to him. I see his ways. I know what he’s doing.
And all I have to say to this little game of his is…..

Thanks Jesus.