Through The Eyes Of A Giant
On my senior weekend of my collegiate softball career, I remember writing about my immense gratitude for the pain I was feeling.
Photo by Donna Barber
I literally simultaneously wrote about how devastated I was that one chapter of my life was coming to a close (the only one I truly knew) and also about how grateful I was for my complete and utter heart-wrenching experience of the door closing.
Weird right?
I remember writing that I was committed to feeling it all. To shedding every tear. And embracing every ounce of pain-- no matter how hard or excruciating it was.
I know. I know what the natural reaction to something like that is... to something that hurts. To something we don't really want to accept.
And it's usually to hide it. To brush over it as if it's all good- & to ignore it and move forward.
But I remember I refused.
Because the thing about hiding and ignoring is that it actually takes energy to do that.
To run away from the truth and reality of here and now... means that you now don't actually get to fully be here.
It means that running away from the pain means you just also ran away from all the Joy.
And when the time is ticking (say only 4 games left to play of the sport you love, to be apart of a team, & spend each and every day with all your favorite people)... there's just really no time to be wasting. And I was way too committed to the Joy.
So I cried. And I felt it all.
Because I decided that meant I wasn't just there-- but I was fully there. 100%. That I was acknowledging the significance of the experience in my life and giving it the credit it deserved. (I mean heck- it served me for 18 years of my life... the least I could do was shed a tear when it left.)
Most importantly- I decided it meant that I had loved.
And I decided that enduring a love so great, that it's actually painful... was way better than not loving at all.
So I wrote about how grateful I was for that. For the pain.
Cause more than anything- I was grateful for the experience. For the people. For the Love.
And it was only when I had come to that conclusion... that I had the peace to move forward.